Okay. So I've just moved into my new shed and am ready to make it in this world. My name is Sam and I'll be your gateway into hell... Or just some cozy little dimension where your sanity can dip just a little. Who am I? Just a guy. Combover, potbelly, tank top and daisy dukes. I've been told I smell like mouldy hay. Just give me a few years and that smell will be a fragrance people will pay hundreds for. There's perfume made from the intestinal secretions of sperm whales. Look it up. It's called Ambergris. My odour be in every store and every pretentious hippie liberal status seeker will be applying my musk so they can feel great smelling terrible too!
My new place is great. It has rakes... People like rakes right? There's also a puddle... I think my roof is leaking. I have an alcove covered in wood lice. They seem to like that alcove. I have a pump outside... So I can get water from the swamp I live on. Who knows what rotting dinosaurs are touching the water I drink. I live with my cat, Mr. Blumple. He loves finding mice for me to eat.
I like to bang at my keyboard and make words appear. I've been practicing coherency and forming proper sentences. A year ago it would just be "Boop boop boop blap blap blap blap. This forget will Scylla is at urns full." But since my exoddus from the looney bin I've had time to collect my thoughts. Though I do miss those bitchin' tater tots.
Looking forward to sharing my journey with you.
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